Have I Done Freebies Lately?

Touch Of Pink Stop it, Geno!

Nia Herbal Cleanser

Cooking to Reduce The Burn

Primaforce

Night And Day Contacts

Near East

Savory Choice

The New Mercedes SCL600 Is Really Different

This is the new Mercedes Benz SCL600.



This car is really different.



That's not what is different about it.



That either.
Here is what is different.




No steering wheel, you drive it with a joystick. No pedals either.



Kind of like a video game.
I told you it was different!

Sweet Has A Good Follow Up Story To A Bad Judge Story

Sweet came up with a really good follow up story to the 'Penis Pump Judge'. That's a really good find Sweet. Below are some snippets.

Verdict Coming For "Penis Pump" Judge

Closing arguments are scheduled today in the trial of the former Oklahoma judge charged with indecent exposure for using a penis pump (among other really gross acts) while on the bench.

Two court employees told investigators that they saw Thompson attach the suction device to his penis.

Thompson also allegedly shaved and oiled his private parts, according to accounts given to state investigators by court employees.

Full story here.

Here Is Sweet With A News Item

Sweet has an alarming bit of news for us from the Taliban. I think we are suppose to be scared. Here, now, is Sweet with the news item.

This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America's supply of convenience store managers. If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell, IBM & AOL customer service reps. It's getting ugly... _____

Geno Sends In A Rant

I don't know where he found this, but it's a good rant.

"I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK!"- By Rick Roberts - 760 KFMB AM

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but here's the bottom line, I want my country back. I want my kids to be able to walk to the store or walk to school without being abducted by some 3-time convicted child molester. And the politically correct powers that be in this country just can't seem to get over themselves with, "CAN'T WE JUST HELP THIS PERSON!" No! You can't. But they're let loose to prey on more children. I want my kids back. I want my country back. I don't agree with everything this President does. I've never agreed with anything 100% that any President has done or said. You know, I was very young during the Vietnam War. So I probably missed that thing by a hair. I don't know whether I would have agreed with that or not at the time. I was too stupid to have an opinion at that point and time even though I thought I did. I want my country back. I want some semblance of respect for authority, whether I agree with it all or not. I want the Boy Scouts to be "boy" scouts, not boy and "we think she's a girl" scouts. I want Girl Scouts to be "girl" scouts not Girl Scouts and "Bruce." I want my country back. I want to be able to wake up in the morning knowing that I can walk outside without some gang-banger on parolee taking my life. Or being able to go down and purchase a car without having to worry about you know 90% of the parts being made overseas in some sweatshop. I want my politicians, when they finally do get my vote, to do what the hell they said they were going to do in the first place. I want the Abramoff's of the world to be labeled what they are....nothing more than organized crime in a better suit. I want people to say something and when they say something look at me in the eye. And mean what they say. Not say what they think I want to hear. And then do what they want to later politically or any other way. I want to be able to go out and work and make a decent wage and buy a home. Half the people that are listening to me right now can't even afford to buy a house unless they're working three jobs. And I want America to be America. All of those opportunities, all of those things that made her great, I want those returned to the forefront. If you want to come to this country we welcome you with open arms. We simply ask that you abide by our laws. I don't want you to snub your nose at our laws, then take advantage of our opportunities, and then cling to the constitution most of which you can't even read because you don't speak the language. I want us to secure our borders because the country is worth securing. The people that live here are worth protecting. I want my country back. I want my children back. I want some semblance of what this country used to be. It's worth protecting. It's worth defending. I don't recognize this country anymore. Not politically, not philosophically, not spiritually. Whether you like it or whether you don't, God was a part of building this great nation. To remove him is to take away the very foundation of what this country was all about. I don't care about your political correctness! I don't want to know your sexual preference! I could care less about all of that. Stop making it the headline of the day! That's not America. I want my country back! And the only way I'm ever going to be able to get this country back is if I reach out to the brothers and the sisters that all feel the same way and we say "@#$%! No! You can't have our country. " It's not for sale! Take the price tag off this country! Take the price tag off the heads of our children! Stop it already! The politically-correct-psychobabble-hug-a-tree-experts ~~ You are not qualified to release sex offenders back into our neighborhoods. The southern border, more than any other border, needs to be secured tomorrow. For all those that wish to come to this country to take advantage of her opportunity, to live under a constitution~ a living document that breathes in and out just like you do~ this country is not for sale. I should know. I'm one of the owners. You can't sell it without my permission. I want my country back!

A Little Mistake

.

Calling Geno

Hey Geno, this lady was here asking for you!

Well Duh!

First, the headline.

Awkward moments abound in penis pump trial.

Double duh!

Serving on the jury in an indecent-exposure trial unfolding in this conservative Oklahoma town has been a giggle-inducing experience.

And triple duh!

Thanks (I think) to Christobol for bringing this to everyone's attention.

Breaking News

This just in from CNN.

Boy dies after Disney ride

A 12-year-old boy was pronounced dead after he rode a roller coaster at Disney-MGM Studios in Orlando, Florida, on Thursday, Orange County Sheriff's Office said. Michael Russell, of Fort Campbell, Kentucky, collapsed as he stepped off the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster ride with his parents and brother, Sgt. Carlos Torres said. Disney officials offered the boy's family their "deepest sympathies," a statement said.

Full story here.

Gasoline Prices

Gas prices suck. But what can you do, right? The best I can do here is to find the stations with the lowest price and go there.

How hard is that? It's easy with the right tool. And here is the right tool. Click on your state and watch the magic happen as it lists the most recent gas prices for all stations around you.

Maybe if they catch on that we're doing this, they will accommodate us with better prices. Meanwhile, let's just go to the guy with the best price.

A New Geno Story

Written by Geno himself. Some slight editing by yours truly.


Don't Chute Me

This one time Bro, I was in Mississippi and I had the urge to get extreme. I had my 1985 H-D Dresser with me. As if riding the way I do isn't extreme enough, I took off in a direction I hadn't been before. It was a nice day, about 80 degrees with a light breeze. So I headed out into the country with cotton fields on both sides of the road. I look to my right and I see a small airport. Then a sign with big letters, ‘SKYDIVING‘. Needless to say I pulled that big two-wheeler into the parking lot right quick. I went inside and made arrangements to jump. I had at least a dozen jumps under my belt already. When they tell you that every jump is different, believe them. I always get an incredible adrenalin buzz as I'm putting on the gear and this time is no different. It’s understood, without a doubt, that you are putting your life on the line every time you jump. That's part of the allure.

Time to go! We load into the plane. Get up to 14000 ft. “Out you go” says the Jumpmaster. I do a Superman style dive out the door. Now if you've never done 120 mph or better on a motorcycle (without windshield), or jumped from a perfectly good airplane, you can only imagine the incredible RUSH you get at that moment. I do a few back flips, one of my favorite moves!!! Then I do some forward flips. Twisting and turning, I have myself a great time.

Now it’s time for me to get into a prone position and pull the ripcord. The chute exits my pack and just starts flapping in the wind. It looks like a bed sheet above my head. Now that will make you suck air!! After what seems like forever, the canopy finally opens with a thud. Now I look back up and my slider wont come down. There are alternate solutions to these problems.

Believe me, your mind races thru all of them in the microseconds before the slider comes down. I should tell you that the slider separates your lines and opens the canopy to full. Only now my lines are twisted, not a good thing. About the only way to unwind them is to go through a motion like you’re on a bicycle and go the opposite of the twist. So that’s what I do, for what seems like way too long.
Finally I get a full canopy! Now its time to fly. I like doing spins as I'm descending. The farther you pull one side of your brakes (they are the lines that you hold in each hand to steer and flair), the farther you will spin to that side. You can get a big outside spin going. The canopy and you are almost sideways in the sky. BIG FUN!!! As I look down, I see a red tailed hawk below me doing circles the opposite direction and gaining altitude. In a minute, without either of us changing direction, the hawk flies inside my circle. As we pass each other, .he cocks his head and our eyes meet. He looks at me like “what the hell are you?” ‘Way cool’ is all I can think!!!

Now, just as I’m getting over that, I look around and realize I’m over a cotton field. across the highway from jump zone. OOOPPSSS!!!! Not good. Again, there are solutions to situations such as this. Just not any good ones. I decided to pull both brakes to stall the chute. When you let them back up, you are lunged forward, gaining momentum toward the jump zone. This is a good idea as long as you have altitude. Wind helps too. My biggest problem, as I see it, was not enough altitude. And I’m coming down right for the highway. I see an early model station wagon heading in my direction. Now can you see this? Picture Wiley Coyote!!!!!! Front grill !!!.......You can almost see ACME written across the grill.....I’m looking at the car, and then looking at the road. Looking at the road, then looking at the driver!!!! He doesn’t see me!!!!! Perfect, I think Fits right in with the rest of this jump. I’m looking at the road, then looking at the driver!!! I have to stall !!!!!! Looking at the driver!!!! While I’m looking at the driver, his kids are pointing at me. The road is coming up quick!!! He sees me, hits his brakes I pull mine to my ankles. I hit the pavement, hard enough to put me in a HARD SQUAT!!! I felt like Wiley with my head following my feet into the pavement. Can you picture it? My body is like an accordion, only it‘s not intended to be. I catch my breath and see I’m directly in front of the car. The driver and the kids are staring at me with their pie holes wide open. The driver asks me if I’m all right. , I say “of course“, as I’m gathering my chute and waking away.

UNSCATHED again.!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A RUSH!!!!!!!!!!

I have to tell you, even I don’t know how he does it. I’m just glad he does.

Why?

In 1957, someone buried a brand new Plymouth Belvedere in Tulsa. It will be dug up next year.

Why?

No really, why?

Details here.

What The Hell Is Going On Here?

British women are having brass knuckles implanted into their chest. Why?



British women are insane.

I Ain't Sayin' Nuthin'

Except that I don't have one. Either one.

Absinthe

Have you ever heard of Absinthe? It is an old drink. It is what Vincent Van Gough drank when he cut his ear off. It's what Edgar Allen Poe drank when he wrote his macabre poetry. And it is great stuff!

It is distilled from an herb called wormwood. This herb has a drug in it called thujone. This drug is remarkably similar to THC found in marijuana. And due to this fact, it is illegal in the USA.

But you can still get it at places like SeborAbsinth. Can you see where this is going?

So, me and a friend got a bottle and tried it out. After three shots a piece, we were laughing like junior high kids on pot. Our jaws hurt but we could not stop laughing. After five shots the hallucinations began. What a trip. I recommend it!

Geno's New T

Nice T. I like it!

Job Opening

Must be idiot. Will train.

Geno And A Horse

Geno walks into a tavern and sees a jar full of cash on the bar. He asks the bartender what the jar of cash is for and the bartender says "If you can make my horse laugh, you win the money." So Geno walks around back of the tavern, whispers in the horses ear and the horse starts laughing and snorting and stomping his hooves. Geno walks back into the tavern and takes the jar of cash.

A few weeks later, Geno walks into the tavern and sees another jar of cash on the bar. He asks the bartender what the jar of cash is for and the bartender says "My horse hasn't stopped laughing since you were in here last and if you can make my horse stop laughing you win the money." So Geno walks around the back of the tavern and everyone hears the loudest sobbing and crying coming from the horse. Geno walks up to the bar and reaches for the jar of cash.

"Hold on a minute", says the bartender. "I've gotta know what you said to that horse."

"Well," says Geno, "the first time I came in, I told him that my dick was bigger than his."

"And the second time?" Asked the bartender.

"I showed him." said Geno.

DR. SEUSS EXPLAINS COMPUTERS

If Dr. Seuss had tried to explain computers, I'm sure it would have sounded something like this.


If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot, and go out with a bang,
because as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
then you have to flash your memory, and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom.

Breath

I ran into Buford coming back from lunch. We stopped at the store with a lady who works in one of the other buildings. Buford smelled like he just ate road kill.

"What the hell is that smell?" I asked as the girl and I backed ourselves into the far corner of the room.
"Your breath reeks. What did you eat?"

"I ate at that Korean joint," said Buford unperturbed.
"Come on, Tramp, my breath is so fresh they should name a mint after it."

"Yeah?" I said. "How about excre-mint?"

Websites

Health Haven

Tacky Postcards

The American Museum Of Natural History

The Dr. Phil Random Quote Generator

And as long as I'm doing museums today,

The Washington Banana Museum

No, really.

The Nerve Of That Woman

This just in from Geno. Yes, that Geno.


One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer.

"What the ? ? ?" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out.

"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"

She shot back: "It's not talcum powder. It's 'Miracle Grow'."

Welcome To 'Ask Carrie'

Here is a new feature called Ask Carrie. Our host is Carrie from the Moon Connection site.

Today, we ask Carrie how latex gloves are made. Here is Carrie now.

How Latex Gloves Are Made

A dentist noticed that his next patient, an elderly lady, was looking very nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.
"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.
"No, I don't" she replied.
"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in China with a big tank of latex. Workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."
She didn't crack a smile.
"Oh well, I tried," he thought. But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the dental procedure, she burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" he asked."I was just picturing how condoms are made!" she said.

Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!


OK, maybe I gotta rethink that one.

Sweet Picks One Up On Her Radar

Sweet sent in this news item. Why would these foreigners send gifts to Bush? They certainly aren't looking for a tax cut. Maybe it's more of a "please don't blow up our country" type of gift. Thanks Sweet.


Bush Received Weapons Cache From Jordan
Collectibles, DVDs, bling highlight foreign leader gift list

President George W. Bush received a $10,000 sniper's rifle, six jars of fertilizer, 11 antique handguns, ten pounds of dates, and a DVD of "Singin' in the Rain" from various foreign leaders, according to a report filed today by the U.S. Department of State.

Included in Bush's haul (which gets sent to a government archive) were assorted Dallas Cowboys merchandise from Saudi Arabia's Prince Bandar, a $125 braided leather whip from the Hungarian prime minister, and a copy of "The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook" from the Sultan of Brunei. The Asian leader also gave Bush DVDs of "Singin' in the Rain" and "To Kill a Mockingbird." Jordan's King Abdullah gave Bush $12,000 worth of antique weapons, including a pistol dating to 1780, and a $10,000 Dakota Arms sniper's rifle. He also provided the president with six jars of "various fertilizers" valued at $60.

The Tunisian president gave Bush $60 worth of dates. First Lady Laura Bush received an $1150 Chanel purse from the French president's wife and a $12,500 Mounier & Bouvard clutch from the King of Morocco. Vice President Dick Cheney scored a $400 set of white gold cufflinks "with Arabic lettering symbolizing good fortune and health" from the Jordanian king, while former Secretary of State Colin Powell received a Bulgari necklace set from Saudi Arabia's Prince Faisal. At $24,500, the gold and diamond jewelry was the most valuable gift from a foreign official. While Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld received some nice bottles of wine, his most unique gift came from Jordan's King and Queen, who gave Rummy a $380 aromatherapy gift set.

For the entire list, go to The Smoking Gun's site.

Freebies

Néctavida

Four Seasons Petcare

Mighty Dog

BnT Jerky

Head And Shoulders

Misunderstanding

And this is from Irene. Not me, Irene.

"It was just a simple misunderstanding, your Honor", testified the man charged with indecent exposure.

"Explain that statement!", demanded the Judge.

"Well, you see, this girl and I were drinking in a bar and she asked me what I wanted most in a woman -- so I showed her."


Irene.

Boy, I hope her and Geno never get together.

Geno Sends One In

This is from Geno. Not me, Geno.

Ralph's Surgery

When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife. But after several weeks, his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches. Ralph became quite concerned. He was having problems dressing, and even walking. So he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist.
After an initial examination, the doctor explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be fixed through corrective surgery.
"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously.
"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.
"Well," said the wife coldly, "You're gonna lengthen his legs, aren't you?


Geno.
And coming very soon, a new, and very good, Geno adventure story. Written by Geno himself.

Isn't It Supposed To Be Harder Than This?

In the news.

A helicopter landed in the middle of the high security Athens Korydallos prison, picked up two prisoners and flew away in a Hollywood-style escape that has left Greek police stunned. A criminal on the run hijacked the helicopter Sunday to get his brother out of prison, police said.

Vassilis Paleokostas, 40, who was serving a 25-year sentence for kidnapping and bank robbery, and an Albanian convict escaped.

"The guards thought it was a surprise inspection by ministry officials and did nothing," a police official said.

The helicopter pilot, who said he was forced at gunpoint to undertake the mission, flew the inmates to a nearby cemetery and they made their escape on motorbikes. Greek police have launched a manhunt for the convicts.

An Important News Item From Corrine

Corrine is here with an important news item concerning...
Well I'll just let her tell you.

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America,
Kentuckians, Tennesseans, North Carolinians, Virginians and West Virginians and Alabamains will no longer be referred to as

"HILLBILLIES."

You must now refer to them as:

APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

Carrie And The Best Blonde Joke

Carrie, from the Moon Connection, gave me this and called it the best blonde joke so far. I hate to do this, but I know the best blonde joke ever. I'll put it at the end.


Two Chimps and a Blonde - Best 2006 blonde joke so far..........

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?""Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?""Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble.
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde," but we had money left over---
so now we're going to Sea World......

Gosh, I hate to do this.
Alright, that's a good one but it's not the...

Best Blonde Joke Ever

Crack Pot

Here is a story from Geno that I thought was very clever.


An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole, which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream."I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?" "That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them."

"For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.

"Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

A Public Service Announcement

.

Things You Learn From Raising Boys

Here is a list of things that raising boys will teach you.

Don't ask me how I know.

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
21.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
22.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
23.) Guys who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Cool Websites

Interior Desecrators

Hometown Tales

Boris The Frog

The Frat Pack

Avoision

It Must Be A Sign

.

Cool Cup

Trev sent me this photo of a cool cup. Thanks Trev.

The Mini Skirt

A story from Irene.

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus.
She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the bus' first step. So slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus to discover she still could not make the step. So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a second time she attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step. About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!! "
At this the Texan drawled, " Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

The Bank Teller And The Hillbilly

A hillbilly comes into a bank and says to the teller, “I’d like to open a fu*king bank account.”
The teller is shocked. She says, “Sir, please don’t use that kind of language in here.”
He says, “Why the fu*k not? I just want to open a fu*king account.”
She says, “Sir, I’ll ask you one more time not to use that language.”
He says, “Fu*k that sh*t. Just open a fu*king account.”
She goes and gets the bank president and tells him what is going on.
The bank president asks him, “What seems to be the problem, sir?”
He says, “I just hit the fu*king lottery fot $50 million and I want to open a fu*king account.”
The president says, “And this fu*king bitch is giving you a hard time?”

Are You A Real Cowboy?

An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
"Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences... I guess I am," replied the cowboy.
After a short while he asked her what she was."I've never been on a ranch so I know I'm not a cowboy," said the young woman, "but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women. When I eat,shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women."
A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink. A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
"I always thought I was, but I just learned that I'm a lesbian."

Language Problems

There was an Asian lady married to an English gentleman and they lived in London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs.She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs.

The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted.

The third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.
She brought her husband to the store. ...................so what did she do?


(please scroll page down).!!!!!!









What were you thinking?
HellOOOooooooOOOooo?!
Her husband speaks English!
Now get back to work.


Thanks Irene.

Try Saying

Irene sent me this list of alternative sayings to try at work. It's worth a shot.


Try Saying

Here's a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases so that proper exchange of ideas can continue in an effective manner in the office, without risk of offending our more "sensitive " coworkers...

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his butt.
TRY SAYING: Excuse me?
INSTEAD OF: Eat crap and die.
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my butt.
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: Damn it, I'm not working overtime.
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your butt, moron.
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job stinks.
TRY SAYING:You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you king?
TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Blow me.
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the hell you're doing.
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the hell do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No stinking way.
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be kidding me!
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a damn.
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my bloody problem.
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: Who gives a crap.
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This crap won't work.
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

A Warning To Men Everywhere

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs, to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer" to target unsuspecting men.The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, in cans, from taps, and in large "kegs."Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically,a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific-looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life savings, in a familiar scam known as "A Relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as a "Marriage." Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females. Please forward this warning to every male you know. (And women with a sense of humor!) If you fall victim to this insidious Beer and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.For the support group nearest you, just lookup "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.

Thanks to Irene for this jewel.

Corrine, Redneck Expert Extraordinaire

Here is Corrine with her latest report.

You're An EXTREME Redneck When.....

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the "Star-spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween Pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

And Finally:

An East Tennessee couple, both real-live rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed." The doctor asked them why, after nine children would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican and they didn't want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

The Best Story I've Ever Published

Michael Burghardt is one of the toughest guys on Earth. Or, as I like to call them, the United States Marines.This story, sent to me by Carrie from the Moon Connection, is easily the best story I've ever published. Or read even. I love it. Here it is. Get ready to smile.

The Marine Corps Gunnery Sergeant in the picture is Michael Burghardt, part of the Explosive Ordnance Disposal (EOD) Team that is supporting 2nd Brigade 28th Infantry Division (Pennsylvania Army National Guard). I heard the below story first hand last Saturday during a video teleconference between his Brigade Commander and the 28th Infantry Division Commander. I thought that others should hear it as well, as I think it demonstrates the true spirit of most of our troops on the ground (from my experience). Leading the fight is Gunnery Sgt Michael Burghardt, known as "Iron Mike" or just "Gunny". He is on his third tour in Iraq. He had become a legend in the bomb disposal world after winning the Bronze Star for disabling 64 IEDs and destroying 1,548 pieces of ordnance during his second tour. Then, on September 19, he got blown up. He had arrived at a chaotic scene after a bomb had killed four US soldiers. He chose not to wear the bulky bomb protection suit. "You can't react to any sniper fire and you get tunnel-vision," he explains. So, protected by just a helmet and standard-issue flak jacket, he began what bomb disposal officers term "the longest walk", stepping gingerly into a 5ft deep and 8ft wide crater.

The earth shifted slightly and he saw a Senao base station with a wire leading from it. He cut the wire and used his 7 inch knife to probe the ground. "I found a piece of red detonating cord between my legs," he says. "That's when I knew I was screwed."
Realizing he had been sucked into a trap, Sgt Burghardt, 35, yelled at everyone to stay back. At that moment, an insurgent, probably watching through binoculars, pressed a button on his mobile phone to detonate the secondary device below the sergeant's feet. "A chill went up the back of my neck and then the bomb exploded," he recalls. "As I was in the air I remember thinking, 'I don't believe they got me.' I was just ticked off they were able to do it Then I was lying on the road, not able to feel anything from the waist down."

His colleagues cut off his trousers to see how badly he was hurt. None could believe his legs were still there. "My dad's a Vietnam vet who's paralyzed from the waist down," says Sgt Burghardt. "I was lying there thinking I didn't want to be in a wheelchair next to my dad and for him to see me like that. They started to cut away my pants and I felt a real sharp pain and blood trickling down. Then I wiggled my toes and I thought, 'Good, I'm in business.' "As a stretcher was brought over, adrenaline and anger kicked in. "I decided to walk to the helicopter. I wasn't going to let my team-mates see me being carried away on a stretcher." He stood and gave the insurgents who had blown him up a one-fingered salute "I flipped them one. It was like, 'OK, I lost that round but I'll be back next week'."

Copies of a photograph depicting his defiance, taken by Jeff Bundy for the Omaha World-Herald, adorn the walls of homes across America and that of Col John Gronski, the brigade commander in Ramadi, who has hailed the image as an exemplar of the warrior spirit. Sgt Burghardt's injuries - burns and wounds to his legs and buttocks - kept him off duty for nearly a month and could have earned him a ticket home. But, like his father - who was awarded a Bronze Star and three Purple Hearts for being wounded in action in Vietnam - he stayed in Ramadi to engage in the battle against insurgents who are forever coming up with more ingenious ways of killing Americans.

Carrie Found Religion

Carrie from the Moon Connection seems to have found religion. And believe me, if she found it, it's funny. Have a look.

Guessing Game

Corrine wants you to guess the mystery word. It's a tough one!

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD

Well, it's *guess* ... that's right, *guess*! *guess* may just be the most functional word in the English language. Consider: You can get *guess*-faced, Be *guess*-out-of-luck, Or have *guess* for brains. With a little effort, you can get your *guess* together, find a place for your *guess*, or be asked to *guess* or get off the pot. You can smoke *guess*, buy *guess*, sell *guess*, lose *guess*, find *guess*, forget *guess*, and tell others to eat *guess* Some people know their *guess*, while others can't tell the difference between *guess* and shineola. There are lucky *guess*s, dumb *guess*s, and crazy *guess*s. There is bull *guess*, horse *guess*, and chicken *guess*. You can throw *guess*, sling *guess*, catch *guess*, shoot the *guess*, or duck when the *guess* hits the fan. You can give a *guess* or serve *guess* on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep *guess* or be happier than a pig in *guess*. Some days are colder than *guess*, some days are hotter than *guess*, and some days are just plain *guess*ty. Some music sounds like *guess*, things can look like *guess*, and there are times when you feel like *guess*. You can have too much *guess*, not enough *guess*, the right *guess*, the wrong *guess* or a lot of weird *guess*. You can carry *guess*, have a mountain of *guess*, or find yourself up *guess* creek without a paddle. Sometimes everything you touch turns to *guess* and other times you fall in a bucket of *guess* and come out smelling like a rose. When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language. And remember, once you know your *guess*, you don't need to know anything else!! You could pass this along, if you give a *guess*; or not do so if you don't give a *guess*! Well, *guess*, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a *guess* and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of *guess*. But, if you happened to catch a load of *guess* from some *guess*-head...........

Well, *guess* Happens!!!

Coffee

I've always thought of Corrine as an assistant. I am now realizing that I'm the assistant. Here Corrine, I have the computer ready for you.

I'm being sarcastic. I love Corrine and the help she provides.
What? Oh, Corrine is telling me to get the hell away from her computer.

Enjoy your coffee! Something to think about.

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other's cups. Now consider this: Life is the coffee, and the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and do not change the quality of Life. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided."So, don't let the cups drive you .... enjoy the coffee instead.

My coffee mug is old and it leaks a bit but I love it. It's made by Harley Davidson and it matches my bike. They have both leaked since the day I've bought them. And I'm keeping them both. I think they are like dogs, as they mark their spot!

That'll Teach Him!

Corrine has a story with a lesson in it.

I hate stories with lessons.

OK, no I don't, but I'm expected, as a guy, to say that.

Oh, never mind, here is Corrine.



MIDLIFE CRISIS

Well, it's not a midlife crisis, but here's how things worked out for me.

Married 39 years, took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 39 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 19 year old brunette.

Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 58 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman.

She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed....

Eating Disorder

I've recently found out that I have an eating disorder. I'll tell you how it happened. I was in a restaurant and placed my order. The waitress said, "Are you gonna be eating dis order here?" And before I knew it, I said , "Yes...."


Footnote: This is called a groaner. If you groaned, then it worked.

JUST BOUDREAUX

This story comes from Geno. He is a funny guy. I have to share this one.

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he is in a good mood that day, he decides he might give the fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name."Boudreaux," he replies. "Boudreaux what?" the officer asks. "Just Boudreaux," the man responds. When the officer presses him for a last name, Boo tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
"Tell me Boudreaux, how did you lose your last name?"Boo replies, "It's a long story so stay wit me. I was born Boudreaux Dingaling. I know, funny last name. Duh kids used to tease me all duh time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades.Wen I got older I realized dat I wanted to be a doctor. I went thru college, medical school, internship, residency,finally got my degree so I was Boudreaux Dingaling, MD. Afta a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided den to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way thru school, got my degree so I was now Boudreaux Dingaling, MD, DDS.Got bored doin' dentistry so I started fooling around wit my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Boudreaux Dingaling, MD, DDS with VD.Well, duh ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Boudreaux Dingaling MD with VD. Den the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so dey took away my MD, leaving me as Boudreaux Dingaling with VD. Den the VD took away my dingaling so now I'm juss Boudreaux."
The officer walked away in tears laughing...

Congraulations Are In Order

I've said it before and I'll say it again. My readers are the greatest people in the world. So if you are reading this, congradulations. You are one of the greatest people in the world. Do not take this lightly. Tell everyone. They need to know. And if they doubt you, send them my way. I'll straighten them up for you.

And now for some tips for my readers. Geno, Carrie and Sweet, you are running Javascript 1.3, you need to update to 1.6. Everything else looks fine. And Geno, nice screen res. I want that computer!

Update update: You'll need to go to Sun Microsystems site for the download. Use the Java SE Runtime Environment (JRE)

Andy Rooney Is A National Treasure

Yes he is.

Andy Rooney's Thought On Life

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up alot of your time. And then you die. What's that? A bonus? I think the life-cycle is all backwards.
You should die first and get it all over with.
Then you live in an old age home.
You get kicked out when you're too young.
You get a gold watch.
You go to work.
You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You do drugs, alcohol and party.
You get ready for high school.
You go to grade school and become a kid.
You play.
You have no responsibilities.
You become a little baby & go back intothe womb.
You spend your last nine months floating...
Then, you finish off as an orgasm. I like it.

Relationship Advice From Corrine

Is there anything this woman can't do?

Are you tired of hearing your spouse say: "We never do anything together."
Well, the Kohler Company has a solution:

Holy crap!

Exactly!

Quit that!

A Warning From Corrine

WARNING
DO NOT, REPEAT DO NOT COOK WITH BACON GREASE

Do you use bacon grease? I was raised on bacon grease (lard) as a kid and even into adulthood.I will never use it again. I hope you will throw yours away whenever you fry bacon from now on. It seems as though nothing is safe to eat anymore.
COOKING WITH BACON GREASE
I just threw out my last 2 TBS. of bacon grease!! This is what happens when you keep cooking with bacon grease. This is a warning, send this to everyone you care about. It could happen to you...

WHOA! My eyes are burning. Can't see!

A New Corrine Photo!

Corrine gave me a picture of herself. It looks like it might be an older one, but it was taken yesterday.

I 95

Corrine has another story. Count me in.


Donations

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on US 95 south, just outside ofWashington. Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened? What's the hold up?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and John Kerry They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. "
"We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "On average, how much is everyone giving, ?"
"About a gallon."

Corrine Writes A Story

Corrine wrote a story. She says it's fiction, but I wonder.

We ' re Off to See the Wizard!

Four United States Presidents get caught up in a tornado and off they whirled to the land of OZ. They finally made it to the Emerald City and went to find the Great Wizard.
"What brings the four of you before the great Wizard of Oz?"
Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly and said: "I've come for some courage."
" No Problem! said the Wizard . Who ' s next? "
Richard Nixon stepped forward," Well, I think I need a heart."
"Done! says the Wizard. Who comes next before the Great and Powerful Oz?"
"I'm told by the American people that I need a brain."
"No problem! said the Wizard.Consider it done."
Then there is a great silence in the hall.
Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around. But he doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "Well, what do you want?"

"IS DOROTHY HERE?"

Get The Ball! Get The Ball!

With apologies to Cbol for the title, this comes from Corrine.
Thanks, Corrine. That means a lot to me.

I have hundreds of acquaintances. My friends I can count on my fingers.

I'm pretty sure you are my typing finger.

I know Geno is my middle finger.

Corrine Reporting On Work And Prison

Corrine assembled this report comparing work to prison. Interesting.

IN PRISON you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK you spend most of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON you get three meals a day (free).
AT WORK you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it yourself.
IN PRISON you get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK you get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK.
IN PRISON a guard locks and unlocks the doors for you.
AT WORK .you must carry around a security card and unlock open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON you get your own toilet.
AT WORK you have to share.
IN PRISON they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK you can not even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work at all.
AT WORK You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

Which Sounds Better?
So what are you waiting for........?
Kill your Boss

I'm sold. Monday morning I'm gonna kill the boss.
Hey, wait a minute. I'm the boss. Crap.
Quit that Corrine!

African-American Hurricane Names

We have a report from Corrine who is on site in Houston with African American congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee. Here is her report.

Well, it appears our African-American friends have found something else to be pissed off about.

A black congresswoman (this would be Sheila Jackson Lee, of Houston) complained to this reporter that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian-sounding names. She has informed me that would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture such as Chamiqua, Woeisha, and Jamal.

I can hear it now: A black weatherman in Houston saying ...

"Wordup, Muthas! Herr-i-cane Chamiqua be headin' fo' Galveston like Leroy on a crotch rocket! Bitch be a category fo'! So, turn off dem chitlins, grab yo' chirren, leave yo crib, and head fo' de nearest FEMA office fo yo FREE shat".

Better come home Corrine. That be crazy shat.

Sweet Sent Geno's Dog In

Sweet sent in a photo of Geno's dog. You can sure tell who trained him. Thanks Sweet. Cute fella, ain't he?

I mean the dog.

Winning Smart Ass Answers For 2005

Corrine is here with the SA's. That is the smart ass answers or the year. So without any further delay, here is Corrine with the top five awards. She picked some good ones.

Take it Corrine.

Smart Ass Answer #5:

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and
he opened his trench coat and flashed at her.
Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

Smart Ass Answer #4:

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,
"Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Smart Ass Answer #3:

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Smart Ass Answer #2:

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2005.......................

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her head and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

Hey Geno, Let's Go To The Fair!

.

Carrie

Carrie from the Moon Connection sent me this.

Subject: Leroy & Bubba

Two rednecks are out fishing and sipping beer while discussing bird dogsand NASCAR.All of a sudden Leroy says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife -- shehasn'tspoken to me in over six months."Bubba sips his beer and says, "You better think it over --women like that are hard to find."

Freebies

Jergens

Nivea

Aquafresh I had to right click the toothbrush and hit play.

Tag

Royal Canin

Carrie Is Back

Did I forget to mention that Carrie from the Moon Connection is back? She went somewhere to do something involving someone. She left one day and came back on a different one. But she is back.

This detailed report is being brought to you by me. I never skip the details.

More Non News

Saddam, or as I like to call him, Saddamn, went on a hunger stike. Guess how long that lasted.


Saddam ends hunger strike after missing one meal.

BAGHDAD (Reuters) - Saddam Hussein ended a brief hunger strike after missing just one meal in his U.S.-run prison, a U.S. military spokesman said Friday.

The former Iraqi leader had refused lunch Thursday in protest at the killing of one of his lawyers by gunmen, but the spokesman said he ate his evening meal.

Former Saddam aides being held in the same prison had refused to eat three meals since Wednesday evening but ended their fast with the ex-president.

"They all took their dinner meal," the spokesman told Reuters.

Dedicated assho, I mean man, that Saddamnit.
I think I prefer Christobol's name for him. Cbol calles him the 'deposed mass murdering sh*thead'.

More (Non) News

Yes, this too was in the news. This one is too easy.


A Penny for K-Fed's Thoughts

That dude in the Abraham Lincoln mask standing in Times Square Wednesday wasn't just your average Joe looking for attention and a handout. Au contraire. It was Kevin Federline.

"Man, I feel good about the penny!" the aspiring rapper announced to the crowd, removing his mask and joining the throng of people gathered to support his new cause--saving our nation's one-cent currency.

Here it comes.
Of course K-Fud wants to save the penny. How else could he be paid what he is worth?

Calling Geno

This was in the news. No, I'm not making it up.

Falling Japan birth rate due to lack of sex

TOKYO (Reuters) - More sex.

That's what one expert says is needed to solve Japan's baby shortage.
"Japanese people simply aren't having sex," Dr. Kunio Kitamura, director of the Japan Family Planning Association, was quoted as saying by the Japan Times, an English language daily.
An association survey of 936 people between the ages of 16 and 49 showed 31 percent had not had sex for more than a month "for no particular reason" -- a condition known as "sexless."

Geno, get over there and show them how it's done. Well, half of them anyway.

Friday Night

This is a good night for football and beer. So that's what I'm gonna do.

We played Miami at Pittsburgh on a Playstation 2.

Final score; 34-20, Pittsburgh

Breaking The Sound Barrier

These photos were sent to me by Carrie from the Moon Connection. These are aircraft breaking the sound barrier. This phenomenon only happens at the instant an aircraft breaks the sound barrier. And it literally appears like the aircraft goes through a wall.